We were all hanging out at the beach, the group of us, and were back into our jeans and shirts to eat indoors at the bar/lounge place the hotel had. Me, Jaunae, Derrick, Justin, Kathy (she was up getting a drink at the moment), and even Dafne (she was making her way inside after participating in a contest outside -- In hindsight, the fact that she was there and speaking/laughing with me should have been a clue).

We had a round booth. Jaunae, Kathy (back with a drink), and I were at one side and Derrick and Justin were at the other. I was looking out the window watching Dafne a couple floors below me make her way back inside; the two of us making faces at each other and laughing. Jaunae and Derrick were across from each other taking up the aisle ends of the booth, so there was no one between Justin and I, just empty booth space.

I throw my body away from the window, laughing, having been grossed out by a dirty face Dafne made. Justin and everyone is laughing with me, but his laugh is what draws me in. I scoot/half-crawl (I was really laughing) down the booth seat towards him and he lifts his arm as I do.

I get there and he wraps his arm around me immediately, naturally, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. I don't think a second thing of it, and we're both still laughing. His arm gives me a squeeze and he kisses my shoulder the way you'd peck a kiss on the cheek. Smiling so wide he says, "I love you," and turns back to the rest, laughing at the new jokes.

I'm beaming and my heart is racing and skipping, and my face hurts from smiling.

And I blink and suddenly remember.

And my heart panics.

The smile drops from my face and my eyes blink rapidly and I look at his face. He's still there. Still laughing. Still smiling. His arm is still holding me close.

My heart is pounding. Real? Is this real? I keep blinking but everyone is still there. I still feel the leather of the booth, the few grains of sand on my jeans and seat from hundreds of beach-goers going in and out of the bar. I still feel the warmth of his body beside me and hear his laugh ringing as Kathy (and I could still hear Kathy and them) told another joke.

Real... This is... This is really...

And I look to him, no longer blinking, and I watch his mouth move and see his eyes dart from one person to the next as he follows the conversation. I had to ask. My heart was fluttering... 'Do you?' I had to ask...

My mouth forms the first word--

And I wake.

 

I hadn't blinked, but like the flick of a light switch, everyone was gone. The booth was gone. He was gone.

I'm alone in my room. My things littered around me, and an asleep Tiny breathing quietly.

I was alone.

And I knew.

And I remember her.

I sit up and look about me, and my eyes fall to my hands. The smallest trace of the sensation of sand finally disappears...

It wasn't real.

 

Of course it wasn't real.

 

I curl up into a ball, bury my face into my pillow

 

and sob.

 

 

I should've known.