I'm stuck crying in the bathroom. I'm stuck. And everyone needs to get up early so I shouldn't and can't text anyone... I'm stuck.

Finally started writing something, but the words are starting to choke again. I just can't seem to get the phrasing right or get from A to B...

I feel like I just can't get out of this mud. Like it's just gripping to me and pulling me in like Atreyu's horse in The Neverending Story. 

It doesn't help that it may be starting, if not already happening. I knew it was only a matter of time but... Damn, I was hoping I'd be more... or more to the point less...

It doesn't matter. Never did/does. I should be used to that by now.

I have to get this story out... Although it's no surprise on why it's hard to write, even if I wasn't fighting writer's block.

I miss the water. I really really do. I have no idea if I still fit into my suit (have I really only worn it twice? Jeez) but I need the sensation of the waves on my skin. The weightlessness and relief it gives, like I could just float away from everything and it would be okay...

Corky once told me that whenever she's incredibly upset, she feels a pain between her shoulder blades and a strong desire to get away. "Maybe I had wings in a past life..." I remember thinking that was so beautiful, and if there are such things as past lives, maybe I was a mermaid or something of the sea and that's why I feel such a need to be near water whenever I'm upset...

It's a comforting and distracting thought.

God, I feel nauseous. At least my hands have stopped shaking.

I can get through this. I think.

I have to. This is how it is.

God I miss the water.

I think it's happening... I want to throw up.