I'm behind on basically every site I have an account in or follow online, including this one. I tried to catch up tonight but I've just been God-awfully exhausted. Tiny seems to have begun to show her age, because she's drinking a lot of water and now has to be taken out once in the middle of the night because she can't hold in her pee for a full night anymore.
Now, while I prefer that she wakes me to take her out rather than be startled awake in the middle of the night at the smell of urine -- which had happened twice, the second time being an obscene amount of urine that flowed down beneath my bed from the center of the room [thank god she never peed in my bed] -- waking up in the middle of the night, every night, has some huge disadvantages.
1) It startles me every time she wakes me (like a mini panic attack because my body doesn't immediately know it's her and not someone breaking into my room).
2) It forces me to put on pants before leaving my room just so I can take her out (I don't like to sleep with pants on. During my lady-week I switch from not wearing pants to not wearing shirts. I don't know if it's an age or health thing but suddenly I'm finding that my body temp goes up WAY too much when sleeping fully clothed and sometimes causes me to sweat.)
3) It takes me forever to fall asleep again. (So I'm getting even LESS sleep on top of what I was already losing.)
4) Gives my mind a chance to make me cry myself to sleep a second time in one night.
On the plus side, I don't wake up to the smell of urine that forces me to mop my room at 4 in the morning.
I talked to my cousin Joey for a while through Facebook chat the other day. I briefly gave him a hint of how I was doing emotionally (while he asked the basic catch-up questions like "have a job? how's college? seeing anyone?" etc), specifically referring to my home and romantic life.
After some chit-chat where I think he could sense how pathetically lonely I've been, he said he was coming back to Orlando sometime in September [he's in Afghanistan now, in the army] and that he'll be going out with a bunch of his friends to celebrate the break in his service. He invited me along and said I should join.
"Plus, I have a really great guy who's my best friend you might find an interest in ;)"
I made a joke about 'here come the set-ups' but in truth I wanted to cry. I can't even explain why because I don't know.
September.
Maybe I'll be ready for a blind date by then.
Heh heh I suddenly have the urge to laugh and cry at the same time.
God, what the hell is wrong with me?
I was originally going to write about something else and for the life of me I can't remember what it was.
I'm really behind on here. I have to read up and catch up on feedbacks...
But I'm just so tired...
I painted my nails today. I tried a new color Jaunae lent me. I go back and forth on liking it. Sometimes I think it's kind of cool, and other times I can't help but notice I don't have the skin tone to pull of such a light color.
I miss the beach...
I need to be in water again...
I want to live...
But I don't have the money or means to do anything...
I barely even have the company.
Thank God for the few times the stars align and allow me to see someone. I got to see Justin on Sunday... I hadn't seen him since MegaCon... He looked great and... I had such a great day thanks to him... It's selfish, but if only I could have held his hand...and have it mean something for him too...
On Monday I got to see Jaunae and Derrick, and Jaunae made an absolutely fantastic meal. I had Derrick pulling desperate acts because I was beating him so bad in the game "Injustice." That made me feel less pathetic for a while.
I can't write. I can't sleep. I have a job I'm probably crap at (have only had two non-training days) and (no offense) don't care about (because the crap hours are probably going to end up costing me rather than helping me financially).
What the hell am I doing!?
It's past midnight. I should probably try to get some sleep. Tiny will be needing a trip outside in less than four hours. She's sound asleep now.
Someday (I hope) I'll be cuddling into someone's loving arms at night and he'll kiss my tears away and I'll fall asleep to his voice saying "I love you..."
