March 13, 2013
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I can actually feel my inner fire fizzling out.
Maybe it’s just the wee hours of the morning. Or dusk. Or twilight. Or whatever the hell time of night this is.
Maybe it’s the crying at night, usually to sleep.
Maybe it was the crying-so-hard-I-couldn’t-cry-myself-to-sleep two nights ago.
Maybe it’s just growing up.
But I’m coming to believe I may have a growing depression here.
Mom suggested something that probably wouldn’t work, and for some reason made me more upset. She’s starting to genuinely worry about me.
And just now, talking to Corky via text, our conversation somehow ended on a thought it hasn’t ended on in a while…
Corky: “I wished we lived closer. You could stay the night and we could watch movies and everything.”
Me: “Heh, with the way things are going down here maybe I SHOULD just move up there… start anew…”It’s probably just the witching hour having fun with my exhausted mind…
Or maybe my mind is just done…
Maybe I should just move away…
Maybe I should move to Tennessee…
It’s not like I’d see my friends any less often than I already am…
And clearly it’d make no difference in their lives.
That sounded more bitter than I meant it.
Maybe I should go.
Like I said, it’d hardly matter anymore, with the way things are going…
I’m tired. It’s really late.
Maybe it’s just the rough nights…
Comments (1)
Jany, if you think starting fresh somewhere else or maybe leaving for a little might help you find your way, then go for it!
Change sucks since it throws you out of your comfort zone, but sometimes it really is needed. We will always be around through hell or high water.
I speak for all of us when I say, we just want you to be happy!
I have to admit that Tennessee is pretty far, but it sounds like you have a great friend out there that can help you if you might ever need it. Go explore life. ;)
Carpe Diem.