February 22, 2013
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In the Eye of a Hurricane.
Yet another friend is engaged. I'm pretty sure she's younger than me, too. By this age Ma was married for a year and about to give birth to Yancy.
My biological clock is ticking. I'm young, but not that young.
I want to fall in love with someone who wants to always be by my side the way I want to be by his, date for a couple years, get engaged for ~a year, get married, and have a couple-to-a-few years enjoying our marriage to each other before having children and making a family (2 children seems like a good amount).
But I'm already 24.
I only have so many years left before my appearance deteriorates and only so many years before dating becomes the ultimate hassle. Not to mention only so many years before time starts making decisions/plans for me rather than by me and my husband.
And I'm no where close to the starting line.
I want to settle down. I want a companion.
I want to start my life.
But I don't want that start to come in my thirties or forties...
I want to share all I have to give and I want it to be reciprocated...
I saw Alisha this week and we had a long talk about what we both want with our lives...
I was surprised and relieved that I wasn't alone in feeling "still young but getting old"...
So many of my friends have all found their companions and have started their lives long ago, and many more are starting them now...
As time goes by it's going to get harder and harder for us to find someone. Especially with times being the way they are that everyone has to work all the time to get by.
"And the saddest fear comes creeping in..."
There has to be someone meant for me...
There has to be...
Because if you can't live for love, what's the point?
I have so little to offer, but I offer it with all of me...
Will that ever be enough?
Comments (1)
Girl, I had those same worries. Especially after being in relationships with people who were not worth my time.. not the point. the point is that I focused on my relationship with God. Becuase that's what we need to live for. We live for him because he gave us life he gave us these opportunities. So I found a church -different from my parents old school one- I focused on MY relationship with God. my prayer life my devotionals and Prayed for God to send me my husband. I prayed for specifics. I prayed for God to open the doors for me and take anyone away that was not meant for me. N all these boys that I was talking to just stopped calling. I had one that pursued. He is my caring loving husband. I can testify. That God is in total control if you truly believe that you have to keep your focus on him and throw your hands up and surrender. let it be his will. Worrying doesn't come from him. All his plans proper for the good of those who love him. It's more than just saying you're saved and living a clean lifestyle. So much more than that. I know you know.. but here to remind with love.oh. one last thing.. It didn't happen overnight i prayed and prayed driving to work every day. faithfully going to church etc.. for about 1/2 years before anything even happened. it's all on Gods time.
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