Thanksgiving was... okay. I put my expectations too high. Yancy just keeps... *sigh*...

Could've been worse though. Much worse.

 

I wish I had passed and taken up Justin's offer. At least then maybe I could've saved his day. Or at least made it bearable... I really wish he could've been happy and had a good holiday...

 

I don't like living with my brother. I got along so much better with him when it was just sleepovers on special occasions. In my defense, he doesn't help himself.

 

I keep crying today... I'd like to blame it on the >4 hours of sleep, but it probably just buildup from trying not to cry myself to sleep every night this week.

Or maybe it's both.

 

I gotta build up my bank account a little more. I really need new clothes. The old-old shirts are either getting holes or too small on me and the old-new shirts are too few in number to even cover a week. (Not to mention I'm almost positive I'm wearing the wrong bra size and desperately need more socks and undies). But to get the clothes and shoes I gotta first make a nice safety net in the bank account (I try to keep it from ever falling under $1000 just in case) so that I'll have enough for a spree and food and gas and still keep a small budget for movies/outings. So far I have enough for all of that except the spree. 

I need, and actually want, some skirts, dresses and blouses too. Being stuck wearing my old-old clothes makes me feel stuck in high school and I've been through too much to go back to that.

So just a few saved paychecks and I can dress more adult like...

I wish I was doing it for someone though (other than me, I mean). It was a really great feeling dressing up and seeing all the obsessive work rewarded with that smile and-- 

I'm off topic.

Crap, I forgot the dishes. Better hop off and do them since I gotta wake up early(ish) for work.

 

Thanksgiving would've been a blast if Yancy would stop thinking he's above everything. He and I no longer define "fun" the same way.

 

I want to go to a theme park. I actually miss Universal (the place, not the job). But then again it's not like I got to enjoy it much. The whole reason I quit instead of just going off-schedule is because schedules never lined up for me to go there with someone. 

*sigh* Aching/swollen feet and sweat-soaked clothes or not, I should have tried harder to ride Dueling Dragon Challenge at the end of my day shifts. Maybe that would've helped me hate the job less...

Then again if I could enjoy rides flying solo I wouldn't have quit the job. 

I like company.

Always have.

I hate being alone. It's what made my elementary (and first year of middle school) years so horrible. I had so many friends in Buffalo but when we moved down here everyone greeted me with hate and bullying. (The hate and snide comments never stopped but at least I started getting friends again starting 7th grade).

 

Maybe it's just this place.

 

Maybe I should save up for a vacation. Just pick a city (in the country, I'm not made of money) and spend a weekend or week there... 

Then again if I did that I'd be doing it alone.

 

Which is the whole problem isn't it?

 

Not to mention I'd probably be too scared and paranoid to do it even if I didn't mind going alone.

 

God, why can't our society knock it the hell off with the hate, violence, and evil? We're supposed to be happy. We're all supposed to be happy. 

 

I had so much fun rolling down grassy hills before I learned about bugs and cockroaches.

 

And I really miss the feeling of rolling and laughing and watching my hair whip in and out of my vision...

 

Now all I can think about is getting bitten or having bugs in my clothes.

You know, I was never bitten by a bug (excluding mosquitos) until we moved down here.

 

Maybe there are still some places in the world where I can enjoy rolling down hills and playing in parks alone without being afraid...

of bugs...

 

or anything else...