October 5, 2012
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SeNSoRy RePLaY
It's amazing the things I can recall when I close my eyes. My sensory memory is pretty amazing. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that my emotions have always been at the tips of my fingers (figuratively) or if it's another oddity I can attest to being me. But wherever I am, I can close my eyes, breathe slowly, relive a memory (or fantasize) and immediately I can feel everything I had felt during the time of the incident. And I do mean feel, with my whole body, as if it is happening again. I just did it again while lying in bed (resting my foot) and when I opened my eyes I was so confused about my surroundings that I had to think hard to remember the proper date and circumstances of today to bring me back to reality.
It makes for some bittersweet moments, yes, especially when I recall romantic memories (such as Justin and I's first kiss) but I always have this moment where I just sit there stunned at how well I had felt everything. This isn't a new revelation, mind you, I've long discovered I could do this (as alluded to in the first paragraph), and on purpose, but I'm just writing about it now because today was so crystal clear that I honestly forgot where I was and when it was. I swear under different circumstances I could have been a fantastic actress, lol.
Before I knew I could do this, however, it always spooked me when I would catch something from the past. For example, way back when I was still in OHS and pointlessly crying over Charles (so sometime during senior year), I would catch his scent while I'm walking in the middle of nowhere (as in no where near anyone else so something like cologne was not a possibility) and it would freak me out because I thought I was losing it or something. After discovering I could do this (still can't pinpoint when exactly that was) I tested the theory by closing my eyes and picking a memory. I caught his scent again but immediately lost it upon opening my eyes and acknowledging reality.
Maybe I'm writing this as a way of asking if anyone else can do this at will?
It makes some things more haunting, especially for an emotional-ball-fest like me, but it also keeps the wonderful memories alive for sooo much longer than they might otherwise have been.
And sometimes I need a happy memory.
Even if it's as simple as the feeling of someone brushing my hair away from my face...
Comments (2)
That ability is special and beautiful. . . very rarely can I do that, but it's mostly in my dreams.
Have you ever considered a short story about that? The same title could work. =)
This is truly a gift. I can only briefly see scenes of memories in my head. Like scenes from a movie. I can't feel anything, and i can hear very few words. I only relive the sensory part when the stimuli is presented to me (music/sights/smells from the past). I agree with Jaunae, maybe you could use this gift in your writing somehow. Maybe this is why I can picture the things you write about like I actually saw them happen.
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