If you have a brother who is doing well enough that he can afford trips to tropical islands and house renovations, and has offered you money with no limits without you even asking because he knows how much you need to find a place to live…

Why on EARTH would you ask your UNEMPLOYED daughter FIRST about a THOUSAND DOLLAR loan (no matter how short-term the loan would be [in this case until the 15th]) and give her a mini panic attack from the massive amount of stress and pressure AND THEN say “Oh, nevermind, I’ll just ask my brother. He’s offered me money already, I just haven’t taken him up on it.”

I’m running on VERY little sleep, okay, my body CANNOT handle this right now.

ARGH.

On a positive note: We finally got a house. Papers are being drawn up to be signed.

I’ve noticed I’ve been uploading more and more pictures of myself to Facebook. That’s a good sign I think…

Maybe it’s just the wee hours of the morning. Or dusk. Or twilight. Or whatever the hell time of night this is.

Maybe it’s the crying at night, usually to sleep.

Maybe it was the crying-so-hard-I-couldn’t-cry-myself-to-sleep two nights ago.

Maybe it’s just growing up.

But I’m coming to believe I may have a growing depression here.

Mom suggested something that probably wouldn’t work, and for some reason made me more upset. She’s starting to genuinely worry about me.

And just now, talking to Corky via text, our conversation somehow ended on a thought it hasn’t ended on in a while…

Corky: “I wished we lived closer. You could stay the night and we could watch movies and everything.”
Me: “Heh, with the way things are going down here maybe I SHOULD just move up there… start anew…”

It’s probably just the witching hour having fun with my exhausted mind…

Or maybe my mind is just done…

Maybe I should just move away…

Maybe I should move to Tennessee…

It’s not like I’d see my friends any less often than I already am…

And clearly it’d make no difference in their lives.

That sounded more bitter than I meant it.

Maybe I should go.

Like I said, it’d hardly matter anymore, with the way things are going…

I’m tired. It’s really late. 

Maybe it’s just the rough nights…

I’m ready to flush this week down a toilet. Can I?
Please let my dad’s birthday be happy at least…

Bright light of the day: A VERY good friend of mine from OHS looked me up and added me on Facebook. :) I’m so touched she thought of me after all this time and went through the trouble of Facebook-stalking mutual friends until she found me (lol). I remember trying to look for her when I first joined Facebook and didn’t find her, but maybe I just misspelled her name in the search bar, I don’t know. :) I always wonder if I ever leave an impression on people (a positive one), especially on those with whom I was once close enough that we signed yearbooks with long messages…

:) Now I know I did with at least one. 

We did a speedy catch-up since it’s late, but she tells me things were really bad after high school for a while, but that she now has found a great man who treats her well — and they’re talking about tying the knot — and that things are getting much much better every day. I’ll admit I felt a small ache when she told me about their discussing marriage, but fortunately it only lasted an instant and then I was overwhelmingly happy for her.

I wonder what my story will look like when she starts exploring my page…

Other than the college album there’s nothing really impressive for her to find… Although I already told her in the mini catch-up that there really isn’t anything going on with me now…

Anyway, it was just so touching that she thought of me. :)